tears and release

I cried for the first time today since I left my parent's house in February. I thought I had used up all my tears this winter and my eye sockets were dried up.

I guess not.

Thanks, mom, for listening and being supportive. I really needed you today. I need to get better at asking for help.

I'm so tired. My throat is soar. I keep questioning my ability for authority and control. I am not a teacher. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. These kids are the "troubled" kids in school. They're tough.

I'm not a quitter. I can't put so much pressure on myself. This is a very valid learning experience. I'm not perfect. Noone is. I can only do what I can. I'm starting to have a little more confidence.

The only thing I really really want to do is facilitate an exchange with the kids in Amy's Class. I just have to organize it, think up a plan and a structure. And put some decent thought into it. This I can do. and I will do. I just need some support of the other volunteers.

So, today - I'm feeling better.