Life's been charging at me, head first, caught up in strong currents taken over - momentum... haven't had a chance to stop. and think. and take it all in.
... wait, maybe it's the other way around... after months of feeling dead, maybe I was the one to take that head first leap into everything unknown ... well, here I am overloaded with. .. with. .. w. i. t. h ....
fuck. there's so much.
Art/Life/Work/Live: I'm still waiting to hear about the grant. I'm still wondering where I fit in the art world. I'm not into the super gallery, new york snooty scene. I'm not sure how I feel about NOLA art... granted, there's still Katrina recovery and not much going on... but it I'm somewhere between professional and low-brow... conceptual and crafty.. I don't know if I really have a place anywhere. But that's my own personal struggle I'll have to deal with anywhere. not just here...
my current situation: I've been feeling guilty (or maybe just confused) cause I've been working at the restaurant a lot and not making art. I have a fear of falling off. According to the statistics given at my graduation soo few art school graduates continue making art once they graduate. I don't want to be one of those people. I really really want to find a way to keep working. I don't want to fall off. I have to remember, right now, I'm in a temporary place with no space to make anything, no materials, and no real desire to acquire materials for such a short time... plus I'm taking in so much new information daily I'll need some time to process... I'm not settled yet, I can't be making anything before I'm settled really. And, this stint in NOLA has a time limit of August, so it's not like I even have the capacity to get stuck in a "work for money" cycle, cause there's a definate end date... that being said.. .. I'm really wondering where I'm going to be in the fall. At this point I'll most likely be in DC for a few weeks in August. I'll head back to the Bay Area for visits and Burning Man (I think). Then I'm just waiting to hear about the grant. If we get it, I'll be back in Rosendale for 2 months to make the book. If not, then I guess we'll look for other ways to get funding.
I'm scared to say this here. I'd rather tell people in person. I'm not sure if I'll ever be moving back to the Bay Area. ... eeeks. I don't know. I thought I was, I honestly though I was coming back. I still have a whole lotta crap in storage. Right now I'm thinking I want to move back to New Orleans for the year before I head to grad school. Ok, this is obviously assuming I can get into Grad School.... and I want to drive cross country - damnit! I'm going to make this happen! drive from SF to New Orleans? I guess either I would make that trip either in September or November/December, depending, of course on WSW....
and, as always, my plans change regularly... and we're talkng 6 months from now...
ok, my head's had enough thinking about this for one day.... moving on....
Visits: Melvin and then Bobby - tearin' it up. for realz.
Highlights: 1) the most delicious meal I've tasted in years! at a place called Jacques-Imos ... recommended by Ben. kinda far from home and a little bit of a splurge, but very close to heaven on a plate and sooo definately worth it. yummm
2) Bobby and I rented a car for a mini road trip. We drove down to the Barataria Preserve and walked through the swamp land and the bayou. So gorgeous. So great to get out of the city. and we even got to see gators!!
3) a 7 hour drinking extravaganza, starting at 4pm and ending at 11... encountering free food, free music, and, of course running into waaay to many familiar faces.. (this is a small small town)
People from the Past: Ben Marcovitz from Maret (highschool) is currently in the process of moving back to New Orleans. it's been so wonderful to have him around, calling to invite me out and showing me around. Ben is awesome. I also ran into Eileen (Wash U. - Molly Funkhauser's old roommate) and we've had a chance to kickit a few times.
Small Freakin town: um, I've lived here for a month and a half and I run into at least 2 people I know every day (often times more) from Common Ground, Work, being out, friends of friends and more and more.... I don't feel clostrophobic... yet...
Roommates: I live with Larry and Terry. Their names rhyme (kinda). They are two middle aged men. It's wierd. I miss 516, baaad. I found some old emails from two years ago written between me, jenny and jillz.. (sigh, the good ole days.. nostalgia) ...
" i just wanted to let you know how lucky i feel to have you both as friends and roommates. I don't think there could be a better more perfect situation. and I don't know what i'd do if i had to come home to anything different. you crazy bitches remind me what it means to live and appreciate life. i honestly don't know what i'd do with out you poooopers. you've seen me grumpy and PMS-y and insanely intoxicated, and loud, and bitchy and u still love me. every day i'm inspired by what i see in this household. through creativity, and generosity, and forgiveness and acceptance, and drunkeness. it's beautiful...."
"golden apples of the sun
poo in yr stinky made fun of ways.
think hard.
pooh
poo
poo
thats what yoo get when u make fun of me....
heaping piles of poo.
wuv yoo.
jillzian"
"your short little stinky
poo brained
whore ass cunt fuck
luvs to dish it out.
DOnt' you!?
stoopid
smelly cupid.
i can't help hearting u.
4 evah
when I'm drunk
on sweettart liquid
ghetto funk
spunk
insulting recycling
overflowing garbage and
piles of crusty
dirty dishes
crumb stained sticky beer
floors
they're ours forever
and our numbers til infinity,
you know them.
Now scream it loud!
NOW bitch.
the numbers. where we live.
now what?
always and a drunken forever.
xoxo - s"
but for realz, tho... that's life .. just coming fast and hard. I left SF a year ago, now look where I am. I do feel lucky. I can be cheesy and drunk. ... although, I think I've had a little too much recently and it might be time for brief a detox.
anyways. I love any one who cares enough to be reading this right now.
over and out --- mooosh
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