"(slightly modifed from previous years)
Valentine's day is approaching, and I want everyone to think about it for a moment before you spend a week's pay on anything with a shiny jewel in it some poor oppressed minority got black lung to unearth for some rich country, or the most uncreative and pointless thing possible--"one dozen longstem ROSES," or chocolates....or...candy...(do they SELL conversation hearts that say "I'm sorry I went down on your best friend that one time…on you birthday?") and, well.....let's try to avoid anything (gulp...) RED altogether! Do you REALLY want to get the same boring flowers and candy that a million fratboys and cheating husbands are giving their mates for Valentines Day?Or do you maybe, JUST MAYBE, crave something that can't be found in the pink aisle at Wal-Mart?
I suggest, that you and your significant others, should perhaps instead take that money, pool your resources, and....get a hotel room, or a babysitter, or a porno, etc.
Or, HERE'S a thought, don't spend any money AT ALL!! And don't treat Valentines Day like it's any more important than the OTHER 364 days of the year. You should show your love for each other EVERY DAY.
Lock your doors, take the phone off the hook......
and FUCK. Yes, i said FUUUUUUUUCK!!!
Get in touch with you crazy, creative passionate sides.Kiss him in that way that whispers "I NEED you in me like a kidney transplant."
Instead of buying her a new pair of earrings, tell her, "your body language is so vulgar I want to wash you mouth out with my soapy dick and make you sit in the corner until your parents come home."
BE "naughty."
Fuck, in that awkward, unimaginable way that an 8-year-old pictures babies being made, like the ANIMALS we are. GO CRAZY!!
And in the morning, tell her "I want to drink your bathwater, just to get a better sense of how dirty I made you last night."
SOMEthing…
just SPEND TIME, NOT MONEY.
Don't go out and buy,
STAY HOME,
and LOVE!!
And have a happy fucking valentine's day!"
No comments:
Post a Comment