snowystarrynight chillin and thinking about art

This is the view from my back porch. yep, yep snow! I heard it through the grape vine that it's sunny and 70 out in SF... I'm at home, drinking tea and stayin warm... I took a hot bath and read in the tub...

I've spent most of the night working on a project i started this afternoon during the "Books and Personal Art" workshop taught by Maria Anasazi. She graduated from CCA(c) back in the day and we bonded over the Bay Area. These days she goes into juvenile detention centers around the DC area and teaches art to troubled youth. Really an amazing woman. At the end of the day she asked if wanted to help work for her in the studio. It totally blows my mind that all these jobs working for artists and curators keep falling in my lap, and I'm starting to question my move back to SF in April.

All I can think is that SF is sooo saturated with artists that it's difficult to find my place as a working artist. Art circles in other cities are much smaller so the artists are more interconnected. SF seems more centered around groups of friends and social activities rather than work. On the flip side, the East coast art scene is really conservative - especially in DC.

Still, I am going back to San Francisco because i miss my friends and I want to see what my life will be like outside of an academic environment. If it sticks, then it sticks and i'll stay.

I can honestly say, the only thing in my life right now that i am super committed to (aside from my lovely and beautiful friends) is my art. That is only because i tried to give it up. I tried to walk away. I dropped out of art school and vowed never to make art again. I moved to LA and the only work I could find was in Art: at a museum, painting a mural, an art supply store, a community arts center.... I tried so hard to walk away and it found me!

When I decided to make that commitment to go back to art school and finish my degree, i knew i had to take it seriously. A career as an artist is not forgiving: always broke, in underpaid jobs, working part time while struggling to find time to create, no health insurance, always investing with very little monetary return.

Working at WSW and at Pyramid I encountered so many amazing artists that, despite the obsticles, are following their hearts and making it work. It gives me hope that if I am truely dedicated to making art, I can succeed. --- here I have to clarify my definition of "success." I will consider myself a success if in 25 years, I am over forty, still making art and showing my work.

The girl who spoke at my graduation gave statitics: in 2 years only 50% of graduates will still be making art, in 5 years only 25% continue to make work, and in 10 years it drops below 10 or 5% or something really really low. WELL - I want to be in that tiny percentage that still makes art. That is my goal. If i can do it, than i will consider myself a success.

I may still be young, naive and idealistic. But I'm going to stay that way until reality smacks me in the face, kicks me to the ground and demands i start caring about money for survival. I haven't reached that point of desperation yet, and i hope it doesn't get to that point.