snippets of passages from books and thoughts floating around my brain. I need to get them out. I have too much time to think. I spend too much time in my room. but only today. an active imagination.
R I N G
my phone did three times last night. a record for this town. Two of the people calling actually live in New Orleans. although the rain kept me in. and a hangover. and a little sadness. ..
pull away from the screen. live.
'we have a whole life to live together. FUCKER.' she's beautiful. we are one.
'go into yourself... at its source you will find the answer to the question whether you must create. Perhaps it will turn out that you are called to be an artist. Then take that destiny upon yourself and bear it, its burden and its greatness... only your inmost feeling in your most hushed hour can perhaps answer your questions.... works of art are of infinite loneliness... only love can grasp and hold and be just toward them.'
'await with deep humility and patience the birth hour of a new clarity: that alone is living the artist's life: in understanding as in creating....' not enough of it.
'it comes only to the patient who are there as though eternity lay before them so unconcernedly still and wide. I learn it daily, lean it with paint to which I am grateful: patience is everything! .. ' patience, patience...
'artistic experience lies so incredibly close to that of sex to its pain and its ecstacy, that the two manifestations are indeed but differnt forms of one and the same yearning and delight..' struggle with understanding what I don't know and wish more realness
'you are so young... be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms... Do not now seek the answers... and the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. - take whatever comes with great trust ... '
who is young? who do we trust? I? you? me? when we didn't already know. I may not trust you. but someone else. the greater. myself. yes.
words words words. she told me I wasn't crazy. over the lines tonight. our words spoken and jaded caught between false breaths sitting high up in the tree my thoughts turned to ... and i was guilty as charged. I laid in bed. I tried to warn him. Did he hear me? His existence mirrored the reality of my forgotten distant dream as the red sunrise reflected in our eyes. all of us. I feel the truth. and yet still question the outcome. I sought answers in bones and wisdom through vessles. But do I trust it? What do I trust? I didn't need to know any of this anyways.
falling. free without the straps of arms holding me back by tied heart strings to your place I move away from all past hopes. falling free. I am not afraid. I am alive.
let me go.. let me go. breath deep.
with love.
'to love is good: love being difficult. For one human being to love another: that is perhaps the most difficult of all our tasks... solitude, intensified and deepened loneness for him who loves.... '
am i ready? are you ready? a prediction came my way.
'I will meet you
I was peaking
But it hasn't happened yet
I miss you
But I haven't met you yet'
'Uncertainty excites me
Who knows what's going to happen?
Possibly maybe probably love'
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